We  just got a Kinect, and it looks like Johnny 5. After powering up the TV and the Xbox–so that I could be entertained while eating my Greek salad from the Wedge–the Kinect tilted  like it was looking me up and down. I know why it was doing it (because I’m good looking), but it still made me a little uncomfortable. I like to think that maybe it was eyeing up my laptop as booty call material (my laptop is also very attractive). What I don’t like thinking is that maybe every Kinect has a grainy video connection to some old, fat man who lives in a shack in the middle of nowhere and can’t afford cable, but can tap onto the Xbox nettertubes.

Even if that were the case (I’m sure it’s not….right?), I don’t think it would matter, because playing the Kinect is almost (almost) awesome enough to make me not care if some old, lonely bastard is watching me from some hinterland shanty.

The Wii is great, yes, but you still have to HOLD something. I know I probably sound like some snotty, spoiled tech brat, but hear me out. While playing the Wii jogging “game” holding that Wii-mote is terrible. Either it gets all sweaty in my hand from being nervous about jogging in front of strangers (I once was told I run like a goose, during a powderpuff football game in high school, which was long enough that I should forget about it, but still recent enough that I can use it as an excuse to never actually run), or I have to put it in my pocket and face the onslaught of “is that a Wii-mote in your pocket…” jokes. Neither of those options appeal to me, and given that I’m already on the fence about playing a game where my avatar is jogging through some weird paradise, but I’m running barefoot in my living room and pissing off my neighbors, if I can’t do it comfortably then I’m not doing it.

With the Kinect, you don’t have to hold anything. Sure, you might have to “move furniture, if you can” but, in general, the only thing that might make you uncomfortable, or feel fettered is the constant presence of a camera that can, at any time, take your picture, and later replay your shame for all to watch.

If you have a narcissistic friend, make them play any Kinect game, and then watch the replay. That’ll definitely take them down a couple of notches. No matter how good looking someone is (and as I mentioned before…) they’ll look like a dirty, glazed ham from Save-A-Lot in the replay.

We just got it today, so I’m sure there’s more to come.